Pros and Cons of Choice Motherhood

 Whenever it comes to a major life decision, I make a pro and con list. Something about seeing all of your thoughts laid out next to each other really helps you make a clear decision. I’ve done this when it comes to changing careers, moving, and most recently, deciding if now was the time to have a baby…alone.

Let's start with the cons, to get the negatives out of the way!

Cons

1. My child would never have a biological father. I know I would want to do everything I can to prevent any pain for my child. I really worry that not having a permanent father figure could cause them trauma in life.
2. Judgment from people. I know people will talk about this and may not agree with my choice, but I think it’s hard for people to understand my thought process if they aren’t in my position.
3. Only one income vs two. I am lucky that I am financially secure, but a second income would provide a nicer life for my child.
4. Not having a partner to share a child's special life moments with.
5. No partner to help with day-to-day life.
6. Finding time to date will be hard.

Pros

1. Get to fulfill my dream of becoming a mother.
2. If I wait too long, I may miss the opportunity to have a child that is genetically mine (no guarantee that my frozen eggs will work) - The regret of not having a baby is very real and scary to me.
3. Get to raise children with my sister and our kids will be close in age.
4. I’m in charge of all the decisions (good for my type-A personality).
5. No baby daddy drama if things didn't work out because it's a newish relationship.
6. Allows me to date with the purpose of finding real love.
7. I don’t want to be a really old mom. I want to be able to keep up with my children.
8. I would still have my frozen 35-year-old eggs for a sibling that I could use with a future partner.
9. Young enough to hopefully still have 2 kids.
10. I have no desire to “go out” anymore. I am ready for the next chapter in my life.
11. Soon everyone that I know lives will revolve around kids, and I will feel left behind.
12. New social circle, meet new people, and expand (daycare, parks, groups)
13. More likely to meet a man now with kids at similar ages versus all grown up.

After I made this list, it was clear to me that it was time to move forward as a single mom by choice.