I'll Say It - Being Single & Pregnant Sucks

I have about 8 weeks left to go in my pregnancy, and I can officially say that I think being single and pregnant sucks. I remember when I started this blog, it was because I was searching for someone like me who was openly sharing their experiences about becoming a SMBC. I wanted to know how they felt at every stage and what the challenges were going to be. I think it would have been nice to know that these 9 months were going to be hard just not physically, but mentally as well. 

I always want to keep it real with my readers, especially for those that are considering the path of solo motherhood. I can’t say for sure yet, but I do feel like the emotional part of this path is harder pregnant than when the baby comes. 

Would I think pregnancy still sucks if I had a partner? Parts of it ya, probably. But I think going it solo adds more challenges. While it is an incredible experience that I feel very grateful to be going through, I was not prepared for the mental and emotional stress of it all. 

I didn’t anticipate how much certain things would weigh on my mind. Like my weight gain. Dealing with your body changing during pregnancy is something every woman goes through, but when you are single - the thought of dating after the birth looms in the back of your mind. “Will I get my pre-pregnancy body back?” “Will I feel confident about my new body as I re-enter the dating pool?” 

Then there are just the day-to-day life moments that are centered around the pregnancy norms of our culture.  Attending baby showers where there are couple games about which parent is going to do more (dagger to the heart), doctors appointments where they reference “Your husband” or ask “Are you here alone?” (Like what if I am a lesbian?) Friends telling you how hard the lack of sleep is when they have a partner to give them a break if they need it (know your audience).

Another part that my mind sometimes wanders to is not knowing the other genetic half of my growing baby. Yes, I have a file with information, but who is to say he didn’t fudge some of that? Is he really 6’1” or did he bump it up for 5’11? What is the real reason he donated to a sperm bank? I see Tiktoks of women posting how amazing their love is for this unborn baby knowing that the person they love is part of him/her- as a SMBC, we don’t get to experience that feeling. 

And while the physical stuff can also be hard, I feel I can handle that. Being single, I am very used to taking care of myself. Would it be nice to have someone else cook me a meal and wash the dishes while I'm 7 months pregnant? Yes, but I am so used to doing that stuff that it doesn’t feel out of the ordinary for me.

These are just some of the things that have been going through my mind recently. I’m not usually a religious person, but this prayer keeps coming to me in my moments of anxiety. 

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference, living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; taking this world as it is and not as I would have it; trusting that You will make all things right if I surrender to Your will; so that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen.”

It’s reminding me that while I am feeling these worries and anxious thoughts, I also just need to accept that this is my journey in life, and I can’t change that. I had the strength and courage to believe I could do this alone - and change the trajectory of my life from being single and childless in my late 30’s. I need to live each day as it comes and enjoy what is happening in the moment, trusting that it will all be ok.