The Final Countdown - 100 Days to Go

My due date is in just 100 days. 

It feels so close yet still so far away. The last few weeks have been pretty emotionally draining for me. I am starting to feel some of the discomforts of pregnancy. And my emotions have definitely been heightened. The thought of raising a baby alone hasn't really been something I was upset about for awhile. I thought I had fully grieved the loss of my fairytale family before becoming pregnant. I don't know if it's the changing of seasons, or going back to work, or my raging hormones, but something inside me keeps reminding me of everyone else in my life around me who is doing this stage of life with a partner. And it has been hard. 

Most of the day, I am feeling great. I have so much to do to keep me busy with work and preparing for bebe's arrival. But the moment my mind wanders to a thought of being single, it's like I could burst into tears. 

I guess it is just something that is going to come in waves. There will be moments in every part of solo motherhood that will make me feel this way. And when I take a step back and look at the big picture, I will continue to be grateful for the family I have created. I'm trying to remind myself that the fairytale I am comparing in my head to my reality is in most ways just that. A fairytale. 

At the end of the day, I am so excited to become a mom and meet my baby boy, but that excitement still doesn't take away from the sadness I sometimes feel of not becoming a mom the way I always envisioned. I think it's important to acknowledge that that feeling is there and real. It doesn't just go away, and it probably never will. But I am hoping that what I get in return will be so much bigger than that...